


i love you

by demondean



Series: Songfics [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Kiss, Hurt Dean Winchester, Love Confessions, M/M, Sad Dean Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-20
Updated: 2019-05-20
Packaged: 2020-03-08 07:26:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18889945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/demondean/pseuds/demondean
Summary: He never knew what it would feel like when he finally confessed. When he finally let himself ask for what he wanted. He certainly never expected to feel this terrible, this cold, this lonely. He had just lost everything, and he knew it.~~~Destiel thoughts on Billie Eilish's song, "i love you."





	i love you

**Author's Note:**

> hi there! i'm having a bit of writer's block but i needed to write something so this happened. kudos and comments are super appreciated!!

_**It's not true** _

Dean shut his eyes as lightning flashed in the sky and the rain poured down from above.

_**Tell me I’ve been lied to**_

He flinched as Castiel opened his mouth to speak, knowing what would happen next.

_**Crying isn't like you, ooh** _

A single tear left Dean’s eye, leaving a track down his cheek among the raindrops that fell from the heavens.

_**What the hell did I do?** _

Maybe someone above was mourning for Dean, and maybe that was why the skies let out a downpour over the man and the angel.

_**Never been the type to** _

They seemed to know that Dean really had fucked up this time.

_**Let someone see right through, ooh** _

He never knew what it would feel like when he finally confessed. When he finally let himself ask for what he wanted. He certainly never expected to feel this terrible, this cold, this lonely. He had just lost everything, and he knew it.

_**Maybe won't you take it back?** _

“Dean.”

_**Say you were tryna make me laugh** _

“I-”

_**And nothing has to change today** _

_I don’t deserve him. I’ll never be good enough for him._

_**You didn’t mean to say "I love you"** _

“Listen, man, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything.”

_**I love you and I don't want to, ooh** _

Dean wiped the tears from under his eyes, looking at anything and everything but Castiel, because Dean Winchester did not fucking cry, even when his heart was breaking and bleeding out.

_**Up all night on another red-eye** _

_Dean laughed, clapping a hand on Castiel’s shoulder as they left the “den of iniquity.”_

_**I wish we never learned to fly** _

_Castiel smiled at him, soft and reserved just for Dean, or so he hoped._

_**Maybe we should just try**_

_Cas’ gentle touch against his cheek, even as he cries because he had believed just a second before that his Cas was long gone and that this Cas, wearing the same face and guilty, sorrowful expression, was going to smite him on the spot for trying to take the tablet._

_**To tell ourselves a good lie** _

_Cas, on the brink of death, clutching his wound as he rested on the couch, telling his family, “I love you.”_

_**Didn't mean to make you cry** _

Didn’t he know better? He wasn’t cut out for Cas to love him in return. He was broken, beyond saving. Cas was an angel, for fuck’s sake. How could such a powerful, amazing, pure creature love him, of all people in all the millennia Cas had been alive?

_**Maybe won't you take it back?** _

“No, Dean, let me-” 

_**Say you were tryna make me laugh** _

“No, Cas, seriously, just forget about it.” 

_**And nothing has to change today** _

“Dean, please.” 

_**You didn't mean to say "I love you"** _

Cas’ eyes full of emotion, something so pitying and understanding there that Dean couldn’t bear to look. 

_**I love you and I don't want to, ooh** _

God, it would be so much simpler if he had never fallen for the angel. He never should have opened his mouth to finally confess, or metaphorically ripped out his heart for Cas to leave behind, just as he always did because _Dean didn’t matter._ Not to him, not to anyone.

_**The smile that you gave me** _

Dean sniffed, ducking his head and trying to play it off with a chuckle when they both fell silent, each searching for the right words to fix… whatever this was.

_**Even when you felt like dying** _

What was the point in anything anymore? Sam had left him. Bobby and Jo and Ellen and Kevin and Charlie and every other person he’d ever loved except for the angel standing in front of him was dead or had long forgotten him. He wrapped his arms around himself, wishing that he could just cease to exist. It didn’t matter anymore. He didn’t matter anymore. Not now, because now the angel would tell him that he had misinterpreted the signs, that he was wrong, that he should move on, that he--

_**We fall apart as it gets dark** _

“Dean.”

_**I'm in your arms in Central Park** _

Dean knows it’s inevitable. Knows that he shouldn’t fight the incoming rejection. Knows that it’s okay, though, because better to have loved and lost, right?

_**There's nothing you could do or say** _

“You can’t… I need you, Dean.”

_**I can’t escape the way I love you** _

“I love you, too.”

_**I don’t want to, but I love you, ooh** _

A hesitant smile on Castiel’s face. Tentative, calloused hands caressing Dean’s cheeks as more tears join the rain on his cheeks. Warm, soft lips pressing against his own, their eyes closed against the rest of the world because it didn’t matter. Nothing else mattered. They finally had each other, just as it was supposed to be.

_**Ooh, ooh** _

“You do?”

_**Ooh, ooh** _

“I will always love you, Dean."


End file.
